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The World of Improvised Weapons Intro Edit

"Hail and well met brave adventurers, this is Sam, your friendly neighbourhood DM. I thought we'd start off with a little information about the world the game will be taking place in:

The planet is Threan, we'll be starting on its largest continent, Uthkor. Uthkor is home to humans, elves, gnomes, dwarfs, halflings and dragonborn. Now the other races all exist but they have no major cites or settlements on this continent. Close by to Uthkor is the continent of Shadue, home to the orcs. The orcs largely keep to their own. However there are several bands that have taken to piracy along the water routes between the two landmasses.

There are eight gods of Threan and here is their story.

First there was a spark, this was the Goddess of Life, Agia and she was alone. Agia grew sad in her loneliness and in her despair became the God of Death, Rzam. Agia and Rzam, in an effort to understand each other gave birth to Me'Kew the God of Knowledge. Me'Kew tested his limits and ingenuity by creating the God of Trickery, Hrewele. Hrewele sought to fool Me'Kew by creating Cin'Pelan'Taat, the God of War. In an attempt to overthrow Agia and Arzon, Cin'Pelan'Taat and Hrewele together birthed Nikal, the Goddess of the Tempest. To protect herself from Nikal, Agia created Ig, the Goddess of Nature. Ig longed for a benevolent companion, not embroiled in the squabbles of her kin and birthed the God of Light, Atim. Atim shown brightly, and lit the way for peoples to find their path into the world.

Long ago a group of wizards and sorcerers were involved in an arcane disaster [called the Great Shatter] that split the land in the north from shore to shore. A continent spanning crevasse now sits as a testament to the destructive power of magical hubris. An organisation sprang up in the wake of this event, The Order of the Raven's Egg. The ORE trains and policies arcane magic users on Uthkor, requiring that those showing abilities go through their academies and take the oaths of control and restraint before being issues a license to practise magic in public. Though not all believe them to be truly benevolent their stated goal is to ensure that no such disaster takes place again

Episode Summary Edit

The story begins just as many of the greatest do. In jail! The party wakes to find they have all been imprisoned by local authorities, but cannot remember why. They overhear the captain of the guard arguing with a local farmer, the halfling Aldo. Aldo's livestock has gone missing! Also his son...

In exchange for their release and the return of their belongings, the party agrees to help Aldo find his son and investigate what has been stealing his sheep. After following a trail into the woods and besting a pack of wolves (almost at the expense of Olash's tambourine arm), the party stumbles upon a hole leading into underground ruins. Yarfik tests the depth of the cave by tossing a rock. Satisfied that it is safe to traverse, the party makes there way into the ruins. They first check a door that leads to a small storage room... full of rats! They manage to escape and block the door. Moving forward, they discover the denizens if the cave is actually a group of kobolds!

The small creatures are quickly defeated and detained, and the halfling boy is found in the barracks. The halfling, Waldo, tells the party that he followed the kobolds back to this cave after they stole another sheep. Waldo and the party quickly return to Aldo who is more than grateful to see his son returned, but would also like the sheep thefts to stop. After much arguing, the party decides to go back and fix the problem the next day.

Transcription Edit

"You're magic words are Whobistank. Not in the hair. You guys just made it really complicated yup *laughter*. And the hand... animates. *incoherent screaming* Double protection. *dice roll* One. Sorry, all elves look the same. You take a swing at the sword and it folds around the edge of your maul. They left you behind; peck is sitting on you, eating your neck."

"Hail and well met brave adventurers, this is Sam, your friendly neighbourhood DM. I thought we'd start off with a little information about the world the game will be taking place in:

The planet is Threan, we'll be starting on its largest continent, Uthkor. Uthkor is home to humans, elves, gnomes, dwarfs, halflings and dragonborn. Now the other races all exist but they have no major cites or settlements on this continent. Close by to Uthkor is the continent of Shadue [shadway], home to the orcs. The orcs largely keep to their own. However there are several bands that have taken to piracy along the water routes between the two landmasses.

There are eight gods of Threan and here is their story.

First there was a spark, this was the Goddess of Life, Agia and she was alone. Agia grew sad in her loneliness and in her despair became the God of Death, Rzam. Agia and Rzam, in an effort to understand each other gave birth to Me'Kew the God of Knowledge. Me'Kew tested his limits and ingenuity by creating the God of Trickery, Hrewele. Hrewele sought to fool Me'Kew by creating Cin'Pelan'Taat, the God of War. In an attempt to overthrow Agia and Rzam, Cin'Pelan'Taat and Hrewele together birthed Nikal, the Goddess of the Tempest. To protect herself from Nikal, Agia created Ig, the Goddess of Nature. Ig longed for a benevolent companion, not embroiled in the squabbles of her kin and birthed the God of Light, Atim. Atim shown brightly, and lit the way for peoples to find their path into the world.

Long ago a group of wizards and sorcerers were involved in an arcane disaster [called the Great Shatter] that split the land in the north from shore to shore. A continent spanning crevasse now sits as a testament to the destructive power of magical hubris. An organisation sprang up in the wake of this event, The Order of the Raven's Egg. The O.R.E trains and policies arcane magic users on Uthkor, requiring that those showing abilities go through their academies and take the oaths of control and restraint before being issues a license to practise magic in public. Though not all believe them to be truly benevolent their stated goal is to ensure that no such disaster takes place again.

We had some technical difficulties while recording. So please excuse the snaps crackles and pops. They should only be an issue for these first two episodes. With all that out of the way, I think we're ready to get started. Let's hit it and crit it.

Sam: And we are rolling. Get it?

Fred: Yes!

Collective exclamations of disappointment.

Sam: It's a dice pun. I'm going to edit that out. It's fine.

Fred: That's pretty good.

Jon: that was like a four. You rolled a four.

Fred: No no keep it. That's going to set the tone.

Nicole: ... I think I'm done.

Sam: Hello everybody. My name is Sam, I am the DM for this lovely adventure we're about to take you on called Improvised Weapons. Uh Let's go around the table starting to my left and get some introductions.

Aaron: Oh great. My name is Aaron, um... I am the DM.

Collective laughter.

Nicole: Whaaaat...

Aaron: No um...

Jon: Designated Mimic.

Aaron: I'm playing as um, Aaeowyn Orimora, she's a high elf wizard student. She's trying to get her ah, trying to graduate, trying to get some experiential learning in.

Everyone starts giggling.

Fred: This is like you're internship?

Aaron: Yeah.

Sam: That's one hundred percent what it is.

Jon: Just need three credits to graduate. That's all I need.

Fred: I am Fred, I will be playing Cassian von Daemos, a human bard. Um, his motivation is basically to get rich and get famous. Uh he wants to be a famous hero.

Sam: He's like fifty cent.

Fred: Yeah.

Sam: Get rich or die trying.

Fred: He hopes not to die trying.

Jon: At least not once. maybe twice.

Fred: He hasn't been shot as many times as fiddy.

Jon: We hope. I'm Jon, I'm going to be playing Yarfik Stormhammer, the Dwarven cleric. Who has been seeing visions in his drunken hazes and thinks that everyone else is wrong.

Nicole: I am Nicole Sisk and I'll be playing as Olash Mershux, a half-orc barbarian who left her life of fame and fortune as a half-orc model and tambourine player in a very popular orcish band that no one seems to know about. And I just couldn't handle the pressure and so I left and also I want to learn how to read.

Jon: That's very noble. Very noble.

Sam: That is probably going to be the hardest goal. For anyone to come about.

Fred: And yet as a barbarian...

Sam: Ah great. So as this is the beginning of our adventure we got to talk a bit about how yallz met each other.

Jon: Ah.

Sam: So let's spitball on that. How do you think you all came to be adventuring together.

Aaron: huh. well I need like some authority figure to sign my, like sign my documents, sign my ah acceptance er to show that I have docu

Sam: Your experiential learning certificate.

Jon: I feel like out of everyone that would be me because I'm like a priest.

Aaron: That might work.

Fred: You're a disgraced drunken...

Jon: I'm not disgraced.

Aaron: You're exiled.

Jon: I just know that I know something everyone else doesn't.

Fred: You're like the Alex Jones of your religion.

Jon: I was told to go on missionary work for a very long time.

Aaron: Ah... so what's, so you're

Fred: My guy's been adventuring for awhile, so I think it might be plausible that I'd like have recruited some companions at some point to help with the adventure and we just stuck around, kept hanging out.

Aaron: Uh huh. Okay so maybe I like saw, so part of it was like "there's an adventuring guy".

Jon: You found like a board somewhere.

Aaron: A board, he's an adventurer, I need experiential, practical magic. Sandra bullock. I'm in talks with Sandra um so and then hey yeah I've told my school like he was gonna sign off once he show once he's seen that I'm use my magic in practical ways. but obviously I ain't never gonna do that cause...

Jon: And you guys have been venturing for awhile at this points so wait so...

Aaron: Still waiting on that signature.

Fred:So my guy is like pretty into, is like pretty into self aggrandisement and like spreading his rep as an adventurer or whatever so I'm going to go ahead and say he formed a group called the Von Daemos Adventurng Syndicate. And hired some people on.

Jon: V.D.A.S?

Fred: Sure.

Sam: Vdassss.

Fred: Are we cool with that? I mean if you guys don't wanna.

Jon: You really don't sound like your character at this point. If you want it to be then it's gonna be...

Sam: I think it's fair to say that you can start as V.D.A.S and then as things change once you have these new folk come on and if you know if things progress then then maybe you will you will come across a different name but you can certainly start under the guise of the Von Daemos Adventuring Syndicate. Work for everybody?

Jon: Definitely works for us. Um, I guess my guy, the biggest thing about him is that because he's, I mean he can go into temples and they know who he is but they're kind of like: "Yeah I don't know if I want to like deal with him." He's basically been out there, kind of throwing himself out there to find evil and show that he's worthy of that thing, and show that he's right. So he's probably been just kind of like going around and knocking heads and trying to you know prove that, you know, his way is that way so he would have found you two because you needed some sort of guy that had good morals but just in general didn't mind getting his hands dirty. So he would have found me drunk in a tavern somewhere and said "That's the cleric for me."

Nicole: I also think I might be kind of hitching my wagon Aaeowyn in hopes that she can teach me to read.

Aaron: You always see me with like books and scrolls. Like "She knows how to use those things."

Fred: I'm gonna show you like tomes of life and stuff.

Sam: I just like the idea that you're gonna see her and be like: "She looks smart. She's doing that, what's it called... R-R-r-reding? Ah cool. So I think that's that's pretty succinct. I will say that you all met in the city of Stone Port which is sort of on the the eastern side of Uthkor which is the continent that we are starting on. And I think we're ready to get started guys. All right cool. So from Stone port you have set out moving west you are currently in the town of Stones Throw which is several days travel away but not, not too too far.

Jon: About a stone's throw away.

Sam: Give or take. I wonder how it got its name. You... a quick question does anybody in the party not drink?

Aaron: I don't think so.

Jon: I did once.

Sam: Oh you clearly do. I'm just making sure.

Aaron: You did once and then continued to drink.

Sam: Yes he'll he's still in that one drink.

Fred: Aaeowyn was in a sorority at wizard school.

Aaron: I was the bookish, yeah okay.

Jon: you were that pledge.

Nicole: I am intrigued by the thought of a sober barbarian.

Sam: A soberbarian?

Jon: That's so barbarian.

Sam: Yes it is. So you, as I said you're in the town of Stones Throw and you awake one morning, somewhat hazily; a little bit of cottonmouth maybe.

Jon: I'm still in the tavern.

Sam: you guys you still feel like you, you tied one on maybe a little bit too hard and the reason that you have awakened is because you hear the sounds of an argument. So slowly through that haze you hear:

Aldo Fench: "Damnit Kesto, my son is missing."

Sam: Then you hear:

Kesto Algain: "I heard you the first time Fench, and you're getting the same response I don't have the time or the people to deal with it

Sam: Then you hear someone say:

Kesto Algain: "Is there something I can help you with."

Sam: And you realise that they're talking to you.

Jon: Are we all in the same room where we...

Aaron: I look round to see what sort of building we're in; if at all.

Sam: Okay so go ahead and roll a perception check.

Aaron: Will do. That's a 4.

Sam: Uh, so looking around, you are you're not entirely sure where you are, but you do see that all your companions are there with you.

Cassian: "You can help us with the name of this establishment my good sir."

Yarfik: "Or at least some more ale please, a little hair of the dog never hurt anyone."

Cassian: "An ale for the dwarf."

Sam: It's about this point that you realise that there are vertical bars in front of you.

Yarfik: "As it stands I still need an ale. You know I'm not myself until I've had my first one of the morning."

Cassian: "Must be one of those themed pubs."

Kesto Algain: "Do you not understand where you are right now?"

Yarfik: "Like I said give me an ale and I'll be right there with you but right for now I have no idea what's going on.

Aaeowyn: "Wait, bars?"

Yarfik: "Yes we're in a bar, I need an ale."

Aaeowyn: "Dripping noises..."

Yarfik: "From the taps yes."

Aaeowyn: "We may be in a prison."

Yarfik: "What?"

Aaeowyn: "Jail. G-A-O-L, a jail."

Cassian: "I'm forced to reluctantly agree."

Yarfik: "Would explain the shoddy service."

Aldo Fench: "Dammit Kesto, can you stop going back and forth with these idiots. I need help, my son is missing."

Cassian: "Uh, we are professional Heroes for Hire. W-we would be, we're experts at locating missing people; particularly innocents."

Kesto Algain: "Hmm..."

Yarfik: "Would you say this son of yours is innocent?

Kesto Algain: "I hadn't thought about this, but that's actually quite a good idea. I could just let you fools out to deal with this, and then I don't have to worry about any of my men, or any of his complaining anymore."

Cassian: "Sounds like a a win-win."

Yarfik: "Also sounds like it's a very easy decision for you."

Olash: "Why are we here?"

Cassian: "Good question!"

Kesto Algain: "You uh you don't remember?"

Cassian: "Believe it or not."

Aaeowyn: "Would we have asked if we remembered?"

Yarfik: "It's a bit of a bender."

Kesto Algain: "None of you remember, not at all. Wow. Well um tell you what, why don't you go help this man and I'll let you know when you get back."

Yarfik: "It seems like you're getting more of the deal than we are. Personally I'd like just a little bit of information."

Cassian: "Is that to be our only compensation."

Kesto Algain: "Oh, no. I'm also confiscating all of the gold...

Cassian: "Blast."

Kesto Algain: "...that you had on you and you will not get that back."

Aaeowyn: "He said compensation not confiscation."

yes the compensation is that you will get your own belongings

Aaeowyn: "I wasn't sure if you understood the difference between those two words. Alright."

Yarfik: "Now now, he's just doing his job. he's trying to be as good as he can at what he does whether he's actually succeeding is a whole different pile of fish. Sorry that was a burp."

Kesto Algain: "Did you just say 'that's a whole different pile of fish'?"

Yarfik: "Like I said I need an ale in the morning or else I'm not myself."

Cassian: "They do things differently in dwarf country."

Yarfk: "You really don't need to insult my people that much."

Aaeowyn: "Nobody needs to insult your people; they do it enough themselves."

Cassian: "Wow."

Kesto Algain: "Wow."

Cassian: "Everyone's a little tense this morning. Let's all try to remember we're on the same team."

Kesto Algain: "That was pretty harsh."

Yarfik: "As I've said get me some alcohol and I won't be as surly."

Cassian: "Can we have, can you leave us enough coin to purchase some hair of the dog for our friend here."

Kesto Algain: "No."

Cassian: "Damn."

Yarfik: "Well that's alright as long as I get my stuff back I'll make some on the way."

Aaeowyn: "Well, I'd like to know more about this quest you're sending us on."

Kesto Algain: "Oh, absolutely. Here, I'm just gonna let you out so you can go with Aldo here and he will tell you all about it, I'm sure; at length."

Yarfik: "Where's our equipment? My armour, my shield, all that stuff I had...

Kesto Algain: "Yeah, I have to let you out first. We're not gonna lock you up with all of that stuff."

Yarfik: "I understand that. You're not a stupid person, you're just mildly irritating."

Kesto Algain: "I don't like you."

Cassian: "Would you ix-nay on the... ntagonising-aay?

Yarfik: "Antagonising? I'm just being upfront with him."

Sam: So at this point he he goes up, he lets you out. You get all of your gear back. So you have your weapons, armour, pretty much anything that was in your packs. The only things you don't have is any of your money, or if you had like gems or jewellery that were non magical items. He has those as well. All incentive to come back. So he lets you out.

Yarfik: "I would ask you one small thing: hold onto that ring. Don't let it out of your sight."

Kesto Algain: "Well I'm I'm holding on to all of this stuff."

Yarfik: "No, but I'm serious. I will come back and cut your throat out if you lose it."

Aaeowyn: "Oh wow."

Cassian: "Would you..."

Aaeowyn: "My god."

Kesto Algain: "Remember when I said 'I don't like you'."

Yarfik: "Yeah it's mutual at this point."

Cassian: "Let's just try and move on with this, without threatening anymore peace officer."

Yarfik: "Oh, no threat indeed just a promise."

Kesto Algain: "I'd love to see you try."

Cassian: "Well, let's be off."

Aaeowyn: "I think that was very fun but I think we should get on our way, talk to the person we need to talk to, right and maybe start?"

Olash: "Yes."

Aaeowyn: "Great."

Sam: You guys leave. You find that you were in the guardhouse, of the the town and you start walking southward with Aldo at the front of the pack. Aldo is a halfling; he tells you that he's a farmer; that he, essentially animals have been disappearing from his farm one at a time; at night usually, like with a couple of weeks or so in between each time that it happens, but it's always under the same sort of circumstances and he initially thought it was just wolves, but then one time he found these small rounded stones in the spot where the animal had been taken and it looked like the kind of stones that you would use with like a sling so he was pretty sure that it wasn't wolves but he you know couldn't investigate it on his own and unfortunately the last time it happened when he brought the stones home his son saw them and his son has dreams of adventuring but in Aldo's words: "he couldn't find his left hand with his right". So unfortunately he doesn't really think too much of his abilities and his son ran off with his his stuff to go and try and find whatever it was and that was two days ago.

Yarfk: "How old is your son?"

Aldo Fench: "He's about thirteen."

Yarfik: "So still a young lad."

Aldo Fench: "Yes very much so."

Aaeowyn: "Would you say he's stupid?"

Aldo Fench: "He's um sweet."

Aaeowyn: "Stupid alright."

Yarfik: "You know mostly people though they're very nice."

Cassian: "He has a different learning style. Let's try to be a bit diplomatic here."

Yarfik: "He's a kinesthetic learner. He likes to go out and use his hands. I understand that. I understand it quite well."

Cassian: "Do you know, uh, do you recall anything, or do you know anything about say which direction he set off in, or was he following up any kind of leads?"

Aldo Fench: "Well, he went down to the fields where the last animal was taken and you know he started from there. I can certainly point you in that direction. I would, please find him. I'm not sure if he's lost or worse..."

Yarfik: "Good Sir."

Aldo Fench: "I'll reward you."

Yarfik: "Good Sir, we will find him and we will bring him back to you in whatever condition we find him."

Cassian: "Which will certainly be alive because we are excellent at this."

Yarfik: "I don't want to make guarantees that we can't make."

Cassian: "I will be happily make that guarantee and stand by it good Sir. Your son is in excellent hands; fear not."

Aaeowyn: "I'd listen to VD over here. Let's go and find the boy."

Aldo Fench: "Um, okay I, ah, I mean I, ah, appreciate it but please just I'm so worried about him."

Yarfik: "You've every right to be, but boys will be boys, and we'll find him don't worry."

Aldo Fench: "And I promise I'll put in a good word for you with with Algain; the guard. If..."

Yarfik: "Oh, he doesn't like us at all."

Aldo Fench: "Well, I noticed that, that's why I'm gonna put in a good word

Cassian: "Well, the Von Daemos Adventuring Syndicate always appreciates a good word. We thrive on our reputation."

Aaeowyn: "Still trying to find that catchphrase aren't you."

Cassian: "It's, it'll come; one of these days."

Yarfik: "It's been a couple of years you know. We need to really work on our marketing at this point

Cassian: "You know what, any suggestions would be welcome. I don't see you guys contributing a whole lot of ideas;"

Yarfik: Hey hey, I've definitely said..."

Cassian: "...just tearing down the ones I propose."

Yarfik: "You keep saying that my things I come up with aren't worthwhile and I keep saying that they're wonderful. I'm the only one giving you ideas."

Cassian: "You keep trying to shoehorn your weird dwarven God into all of them. We're not a religious organisation."

Yarfik: "She's not dwarven, she's a goddess of all. She binds us, she brings us together."

Aaeowyn: "When do we start?"

Sam: So by this point you've made it to Aldo's Farm. He gives you breakfast."

Yarfik: "See if you read the sign it says Aldo's Farm."

Sam: So he feeds you he gives you breakfast he gives you a tankard of ale to shut you up here then he brings out this little pouch that has the stones in it so that you guys can can have them it can take a look and then he points you down the path to the far fields where the animal was taken and he says it's just down this path it's about a half hours travel and then right at the end you'll find there's sort of a clearing with a lot of trampled grass that's where the last animal was taken that's where you should probably start looking thank you very much sir well we'll be on our way but can I see those stones please well yes absolutely then he gives you the bag when I look at them are they carved anyway or they kind of like just railer stones make it an investigation check 13 so looking at them they don't look carved they look naturally smooth probably like from a river or something like that like a riverbed okay so we had we head for the trampled clearing man yes so you travel down the path why don't we get some perception checks all around okay walking down the path Yarfik is the first one to spot it soon after Aaeowyn sees the the trampled patch and sort of elbows Cassian and points them towards it and then Olash steps in cow shit you know watch for the plops I'm trying to just over the know over right all right yonder yeah very much so you you walk towards it you find the area it's a rough circle of flattened grass with about a five-foot radius or so it looks like there was some there was a lot of like trampling going on around here and then there are there's sort of a pathway of flattened grass that leads away from it towards the the fence I say we follow this trail what does it only makes sense to follow the trail I was going to say the same thing I died I feel put on the spot you know we all have our own minds all that's what should we do I said follow the trend I guess then going down the trail then great so that will require a survival check what unless your you're a capable tracker aren't you well you'd been adventuring together for a while and you did say when who you met us have been in the wilds quite a bit so I got a 20 not natural well with the combined efforts of wash and yar 'fuck you guys are able to pick up the trail quite easily you see where that flattens sort of trail of grass leads to the fence post you can clearly see that there is like Tufts of wool stuck in the splinters of the fence as if like a sheep was dragged over it and then beyond that there are the tell-tale signs that you would see for for something large be dragged there's disturbances in the dirt and rocks there are broken twigs and you follow this path pretty far you're sort of several hours into the forest at this point let's get an investigation check from you to 17 so you both notice that you've come upon this sort of relative clearing and that in the middle of the clearing there is a sheeps leg so not the whole sheep just leg the rest looks like it's not here all right I mean it's just a leg I think we're all in agreement the rest of the sheep is somewhere else right so I believe I was just trying to lighten the mood a bit make a joke okay great job I don't appreciate you all talking down to I'm not an idiot I just didn't I just didn't get it I may be I don't get barbarian you might get some perception checks real quick humor 14 okay so as you guys are sort of bickering about the nuances of barbarian uh uh hola SHhhh your ears sort of prick up and you hear very well acted out your ears prick up and you hear the the sort of pitter patter of like soft foot pads you hear a little bit of growling yes you can it's coming from the west of you guys and just sort of searching at the the edge of the forest the forest isn't particularly dense around here but it is you are still under you know a fair amount of leaf cover and everything so it's a little bit dark not so much to anybody can't see but looking between the the trees you see some wolves over there let's roll some initiative folks will do oh my god anybody anybody fifteen to twenty anybody eleven to fifteen oh it's dexterity okay so anyone no one else was over ten thirteen yeah I know that's why I said no one else anyone five to ten take one you still had your modifier you can't like fail at a mission I mean wait I mean Fred can but not not cast okay so now we get to debuts the cool stuff that I made initiative if you can't tell from seeing this because you're not watching this Sam is pulling out individually made signaling insignia cards for everyone and putting them in order of initiatives yes well I'll take pictures of this stuff and put it on the Facebook and a little picture of the bad guys very the minis should be relatively appropriate for you where did we enter into so that clearing in the center where the Fallen waters seems like it's like four squares towards me from it so the shoots live here that is not for that was like 20 yeah yeah like the number four okay where are we were here if you are around the sheep's leg you are I'm look I can't I can't blame I true nature there in V formation yes Flying V there you cannot all you can do is call out Amelia cool we ready yard fuck you are you guys are all weird the wolves are there Olaf pointed them out are they moving toward us or they kind of circling they are well they haven't gone yet so you don't really know I am gonna ready my Warhammer okay and I am going to take an offensive position here which is about ten feet away and just kind of hold my action there until one of them moves so offensive okay there's no as bad as some people I know what's that is a tree a green blob with another green blob on top yes so the green blobs with green blobs on them they're trees the green blobs without green blobs are bushes and then the gray blobs are rocks well that well that one's a fallen log versus the other ones yes that is that's like imagine Dwayne Johnson in Baghdad it's a rock on a rock you should all be mad I know the haven't gone yet but can we like tell if they have noticed they definitely know you're they definitely know where they're okay and it's 30 feet so each squares 5 feet you can move that close and then still do an action or you could use your action to double your movement I'm gonna move that close and draw my cool when we're holding off right now like we're testing the waters wait if I cast like a little minor illusion and a little rabbit I'm doing it okay I'm gonna move um - yeah because I have okay and then I'm gonna cast a minor illusion and put it like a scared little rabbit like right there yeah and it looks it looks like wounded and real meaty rabbit it's gonna look like one of those creepy goldfish with the giant eyes lip this is an anime right it is the tastiest looking rabbit you've ever seen cool next up is the wolves so let's see if tricked so the wolf that is closest to me is going to start stalking the rabbit wolves are 40 feet so you can get right up to it so it's gonna start stalking its gonna get right up to it gonna try to take a big bite out of it once it realizes it's not moving and then it's just getting there no it's not there's no it's getting air you should hare no I said Eric stop being your character the other one so the one closest to you John is going to start going to that direction towards you and around the tree and stop sort of yeah right there but that one is going to get right up in Elijah's face does a 22 hit so you take five points of piercing damage and you need to roll a strength saving through okay so the wolf takes a running leap at you and goes to bite you and it does get you but you sort of throw your arm up so it just gets a big big mouthful of forearm and rakes it you're too mean arm yeah and that is that is the end of their turn so Cassie and URL okay I was holding my my attack or anything else until they went okay just attack somebody so do I jump that hurts occasion well you're not close enough to attack anybody you can't hold movement you can only hold an action okay I am going to I'm gonna move here a WA and I'm gonna move by anyone sort of over here just in case that wolf comes any closer and then I'm going to use vicious mockery on the wolf s attacking a lot okay definitely definitely here's it cuz Keens have our wolves rather have keen hearing that's one of their feats the wolf goes this by the way to spell description specifies that it does not need to understand me yeah that's all that tone damage is there is there a saving throw or anything associated with wise so they don't get a save for the damage oh wait no they just say if they save against it I think they have the damages to make a wisdom saving through and I'll tell you what happens okay wisdom that it made the seventeen was this able throughout so the DC is 13 so it took a seminar don't let your saboteur just made it more angry yeah dear you insult my mother we are a matriarchal society work pack I have my brother hey ya know that makes this wisdom throw nothing happens so so yeah it's just shakes it off like Taylor Swift yeah and we are back up to the top of the Orphic I'm gonna move up to this wolf and I am going to take one less as the bow section suite at the last bit of alien might anchored okay and clock it with my Warhammer go for it 1313 is its armored class so yes it does so for damage okay so you run up so a little bit drunk is your is your tankard on like a chain or something so you can just drop it and then it's swing yes okay so you you run up holding your Warhammer in one hand and your beer and the other and you take a swig just let it go and then you swing you still you still drop it because this because it's cool and then you swing with your war hammer and you clock it right in the ribs and it does not look happy about that but it is still up and going so next up is Ola SHhhh okay wolf as well okay so that's okay so you look down at this puny wolf that just bit your arm and you you sort of shake it off from where it had bitten you and you raise your great axe above your head and swing down and you cut its head off like it was flagging a little bit from your fake hitting it so he teed it up and you knocked it out of the park so that wolf is that is the most vicious battle Aylan yes I will cast fire bolt yes this is a range spell attack 14 and it says +4 to hit so I don't have that to that I know I had my intent I intelligence modifier no you add whatever the the +2 hit is okay so you hit for dodge so for for that one that wolf like you essentially catch it just as it's going to bite the the air rabbit and you fire a fire bolt but you know you're still you're still learning and you you definitely hit it but you kind of just like get it like right at the base of the tail so it has that response from like when you like smash horse yes so it takes a little damage and it knows you are there alright and next up is zip moves so now that you have singed that Wolf's a little bit he is going to be line straight for you great make an opportunity attack as it passes by me it's not passing within 5 feet of you wait straight straight at me it isn't doesn't it go through this square here no and I went mmm so I went straight this way and then just straight down this way so it's not even 5 feet damn it like hook shot it that's okay and it rolled it does a 21 hit your AC no really I think you're lying in a ones mind it doesn't and it does do to do to do to do that is 5 points of piercing damage and then you need to make a strength saving throw ooh just made it so the wolf beelines for you leaps up and essentially grabs hold of your leg gives you a bite on the flank and you like smack it on the nose and it lets go kind of in that similar way to like you punch a shark exact okay so you do no damage to it in that but it lets go you still take some damage and it we messed up your robes if I took five correct so you were at one hit point hey guys I'm at one hit point I'll be right over next up is Cassian okay I am going to move over here to flank this wolf or what I guess there's not flanking in this anymore but I move over next to the wolf and attack it with my rapier oh and also yeah so I'm gonna attack it with my rapier okay do you have you have no plus to hit well that is with the plus I rolled a six oh okay so that does not hit you you go up beside it and go to take a swing at it and it just sort of Jukes out of the way like a hockey player she's just trying to get created okay can you make it over to that wolf in one turn nope I can only move 25 feet arrested yeah I can I can get to the wall I can't attack them okay I'm gonna go ahead and no alright that's my turn sorry okay back up to the top your foot I'm gonna move over as far as I can and I'm going to throw my hand axe at both okay that's very close and it's between the two of us so be careful I'm within ten feet of it it should be fine yeah it does not so you run up just sounding like a cabinet full of pots being shaken shoes because you're in scale mail hangers yeah and you take out your hand axe and you give it a throw and it sails right over oh I need more eel flush all right so we're gonna move and attack this Wolf's jet right here man ah so you go around the tree trunk and you take a swing at the wolf you go for like a lateral swing and it definitely dodges out of the way and then your axe lodges in the tree and it will take an action to dislodge it next turn you got this you're fine alien so that will encourage yep I'm gonna get as fireball fireball fireball take this wolf I'm just ruling terrible today I'm gonna do it it does not so you sort of you're like you're aware of how hurt you are right now and you fumble to make an attack but you you aren't really looking where you're stepping and you sort of step on a rock and you're your hand goes up and wide and you shoot a fireball directly through the tree branches it's powerful enough that it singes the tree branches almost like a lightsaber so it doesn't set them on fire it burns a hole through them skylight next up is the bad guys and the wolf is is still focused on ueo and it rolls a 10 to hit so the wolf goes to try and bite at you again but it does it the exact same moment that you trip on that rock and you are not where it thought you were any or damn Rock so it once again as with the rabbit gets a mouthful of air next up Cassian okay I am going to okay I'm gonna hit a one with heroism okay that's a good thing and hit in a good way I'm gonna say Ellen I know you can do this I'm gonna give your advisor such good comments about your blows you are a true hero and the magic within my words infuses him with a bunch of temporary hit points basically at the start of every one of your turns you're gonna gain three hit points it's equal to my charisma modifier I believe until my until the spell ends I believe is emits a minute-long concentration for up to a minute and as my bonus action I'm also gonna say you're fake you've got this crush it skull bro and and give you a barbecue inspiration though cool you can add that to any of your attack rules saving toes or ability modifiers dude for the next ten minutes ten minutes that's my turn cool Oh er 'fuck alright I am going to basically have that where I'm gonna get within fighting distance here mmm Golf Club tee up and try to uppercut the wolf in the face okay that is going to add the inspiration to that that is a 12 that does not really you run up inspired by the buoying words of your defacto later and you you like croquet style just like Alice in Wonderland take your hammer you swing you go to swing up with it and you you just you go just a little bit short of where the wolf is and you're gonna say liam's is all the way around like in a Looney Tunes cartoon when they're running and it's just that big circle but you do not make content at that point [Music] next up is did that wolf not attack me it did not okay cool so if I wanted to get my axe out of the tree that would be all I could do uh you would still have movement okay the other thing you could do is you could drop it and just like unarmed attack but I couldn't so you could draw another well she's proficient with it [Laughter] paper cut the shit so eight okay so you just let go of your great accents just stuck in that tree for right now you draw your hand axe and slash down you cut a big gash down that Wolf's side and it seems like it's it you probably cut a tendon or two that were important to its walking ability so it's sort of little it's looking pretty Limpy right now on its left side Allen yeah all right so you now have four hit points or well three of them are temporary so they'll go away when the spell ends but there also are the first ones - yes she'll be fine once we get out to this I like it if I cost Bernie hands it's in a 15 foot cones if I cast it Oh I mean you could cast it in a way that the wolf is in like the side of the cone so that it doesn't hit the other ones that affect the damage anyway okay I guess burning her because I'm all about fire today guys okay so I always a good idea when you're fighting in the forest do you roll or is it a saving throw save dexterity so is role dexterity no no so that whoever you're attacking has to roll oh so I don't have to roll it alright so the wolf rolled that too so you can go ahead and roll for damage so I do a 3 d6 + 1 d6 / SL a per spell level so you're casting it at at level 1 okay so it's just 3ds 686 okay cool so 3 d6 is worth the damage 5 1 6 5 11 okay so you sort of last-ditch effort style you speak your magic words Panartha I sure hope that Sunday we find out the story behind that one she's thinking back to the lesson where she learned about burning hands yeah so you you dive into the the well of knowledge that is within you and you search her for that word that you know means hot hands yeah and your your hands glow bright orange and then this forints of penology this torrent of orange arcane energy pours out in this this rough cone in front of you completely engulfing the wolf and when the the energy sort of dissipates and dies down there's just this charred wolf form in front of you yeah he did that was excellent so next time with ash the other wolf who you just took a chunk out of and he's none too happy about it and he rolled a 21 whoa Wow which I'm assuming hits and that is for piercing damage for piercing damage you need to make a strength saving throw I'm gonna have to hustle back to the other side of the battlefield in a second you okay so here's what happens the you take that swipe at the wolf and the wolf lunges at you bites you sort of gets you on the shoulder and then it's wait and knocks you backward and it now has you pinned to the ground you are pro next up is Cassian okay okay to feed some awesome straight up tea bag towards that wolf okay I am going to throw a dagger I'm gonna draw my dagger and throw it at that wolf cool um 13 plus 5 so that's 18 that hits okay so 6 damage okay so you the the wolf over here is felled by Aaeowyn awesome might clop and at that moment you turn to see what's going on elsewhere and you see that Olaf has been knocked to the ground so you take off running you take out one of your daggers holding it just by the the very tip of the blade real cool gangs and york-style yeah and then you yeah yeah and then just at the sort of at the end of your run you throw it and it just spins in the air and then lodges right in the side of the wolf's head nice the wolf sort of like recoils from it for a second and then falls to the ground still on top of a wash but is dead sweet yeah Atlanta just in the ground over there so I'm going to eat well they didn't take potions if you have potions you can take one you guys could also choose to take a rest it's up to you [Music] back up to where you were but that blows a spell for me for sure I could use a rest a rest yeah they're already lying down what take it we'll take a quick rest here and this show bloody clearing and then we'll continue with our search...

Outro Edit

[Music] Thank you for listening. you can follow us on Twitter and Facebook @IWVTcast and you can check out the other great podcasts from Puma Knife at www.teampumaknife.com. If you liked what you heard, please consider giving us a review on iTunes or wherever you heard us. you greatly appreciate also tell a friend relative mouth is the best kind of word our theme music is "Overworld" by Kevin MacLeod. this episode also featured 8-bit dungeon boss and human you can check out all of his work at incompetent com. Tune in next time as the Von Daemos Adventuring Syndicate continues their search for a missing halfling. We'll see you on the next episode of Improvised Weapons. This has been a Puma Knife Production.